by Hena Zuberi
I
am from Generation X. Raised on ‘Pretty in Pink’ and Sweet Dreams
romance novels, some of my friends read Mills and Boons, others raved
about the unattainable love in the Thorn birds; but I preferred the
grand passion of Wuthering Heights. That was my idea of a romance –
filling each other completely, a religion of love.
It also came from Indian movies; rich girl falls for poor guy, they
dance around trees in the rain, then drama ensues from the family, enter
Prem Chopra character, the guy runs off with girl, the end. Sometimes,
he would dash in with a monologue and take her away while she was
getting married to someone else. How many girls are still waiting for
their Sir Salman/Saif/Shahrukh Khan to take them away on a white horse
in a red lehnga?
When in love, according to Freud, “against all the evidence of
her/his senses, a wo/man who is in love declares ‘I’ and ‘you’ are one,
and is prepared to behave as if it were a fact.” This love is so
destructive, so impossible; based on these notions, I have nursed many a
heartbroken friend. I remember being in ER after she burnt
herself with a cigarette because she wasn’t allowed to see him; another
time helping to hide another’s bruises under makeup, where he punched her for talking to his buddy. My own quest was less for the pain, more for the eternal flutter in my heart. What were we thinking?
Allah made us; He put these feelings in our heart, so why didn’t we
ever think of turning to His book to see how ‘boy meets girl’ really
works? It’s all in there.
I read of a great courtship, a love story that is so romantic it’s
divine. The setting – Madyan, the land of frankincense, I can almost
smell it lingering in the air. Historian Abdulla Al-Wohaibi writes that
Madyan was “a flourishing ancient town with numerous wells and
permanently flowing springs whose water had good taste. There were
farms, gardens and groves of palm trees.”
Here we meet Safurah, the daughter of Shuyab `alayhi assalam
(peace be upon him) at the side of a gushing spring, ‘keeping back,
stopping her sheep from drinking with the sheep of the shepherds.’ And
Musa (as), a fugitive on the run for eight days, crossing the burning
desert sands from Egypt, feeding off nothing but tree leaves.
Their meeting is a beautiful example of chivalry; a perfect model of
what it means to be a man and a woman. This was her daily routine and
she waited out of her sense of modesty. She and her sister were strong
women, after all herding their father’s flock wasn’t easy work. They
were surrounded by rowdy men, reminding me of scenes from Liberty market
in Lahore, Cairo’s Khan Khaleeli or the Westfield mall in Generic town,
U.S.A. where rowdy boys hang out – men yelling, pushing, with little
dignity or sense of composure. He, however, was a gentleman amongst the
uncouth.
She didn’t need his help, she could have
waited until all of the other men were done and then watered her flock,
but that’s what makes it so special – that he still stood up to help
her. Musa (as) was thirsty too but his sense of doing the right thing
was stronger than his fatigue or his hunger. He was honorable – he could
have ignored the sisters, could have said “I’m too tired, too
important.” He had no relationship with these women. He didn’t know what
family or religion they were from. All he saw was someone was being
treated unfairly and for the sake of Allah, he was ready to help.
Sisters, a man like that will get you far in life. He will be just
with your children, your parents and his parents. He will help you in
your faith, your home and your life. As for the ones pushing each other
to get the water from the well, they are the same brothers who will keep
fighting for the dunya. They will keep working away for the next promotion and you will be left on the side like the two sisters from Madyan.
When Musa (as) approached the water, he saw that the shepherds had
placed an immense rock, that could only be moved by ten men, over the
mouth of the spring. ‘Musa embraced the rock and lifted it out of the
spring’s mouth, the veins of his neck and hands standing out as he did
so.’ He let their sheep drink and then put the rock back in its place.
After Musa (as) did this kind act, he went back in the shade of the tree and made du`a’.
Unlike some MSA brothers who like to walk the sisters to their
apartments and then ask them if they have food in the fridge, he didn’t
ask the girls “Hey! I did you a favor, can you help me out now?”
No, he lies down on Allah’s green earth and makes this beautiful du`a’:
“So he watered (their flocks) for them, then he turned
back to shade, and said: ‘My Lord! I am truly in need of whatever good
that You bestow on me!’” (Qur’an,
28:24)
`Ata’ bin As-Sa’ib said in Tafsir ibn Kathir: “When Musa made that du`a’ the women heard him.” What a beautiful du`a’ to make for all of us who are looking for a good partner or bliss in our married lives. This one du`a’
to Allah gave Musa (as) a job, a house and a family all at once. When
you have nothing left except Allah, than you find that Allah is always
enough for you.
The two sisters came home with the well-fed sheep, surprising their
father Shuyab (as). He asked them what had happened and they told him
what Musa (as) had done. So he sent one of them to call him to meet her
father.
She said: “My father is inviting you so that he may reward you for watering our sheep.” In Tafsir ibn Kathir it states:
there came to him one of them, walking shyly, meaning she was walking
like a free woman. Narrates `Umar ibn-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with
him: “She was covering herself from them (Musa) with the folds of her
garment.”
Safurah is intelligent and intuitive. Abdullah bin Masud praised
three people’s intuition: Abu Bakr Siddiq (ra) about `Umar ibn-Khattab,
Yousuf ‘s (as) companion, and Safurah’s when she asked her father to
hire Musa (as). “Verily, the best of men for you to hire is the strong,
the trustworthy.” Her father said to her, ”What do you know about that?”
She said to him, “He lifted a rock which could only be lifted by ten
men, and when I came back with him, I walked ahead of him, but he said
to me, walk behind me, and if I get confused about the route, throw a
pebble so that I will know which way to go.”
He didn’t follow her, looking at her from behind – subhan’Allah.
Imagine the scenario: he was a prince who must have had women throwing
themselves at him but he ‘lowers his gaze’, which is the hukum
for all Muslim men, but how many really adhere to that? Here Musa (as)
is not Safurah’s husband yet, so he asks her to walk behind him, knowing
very well that he doesn’t know the way but she does. It wasn’t a matter
of ego or superiority; he was concerned about her honor as she was
alone, without her sister; this way he was protecting her. Look at their
society too – if all the men were such boors, could you put it past
those people to gossip about her walking with him?
I often wonder how Musa (as) grew up to be this way? He came from
such privilege, so much corruption existed in the court of Pharoah; he
could have had any woman he wanted. But he learnt how to honor women
from his pious foster mother, `Aasiya (ra); and continued this respect
even hundreds of miles from his mother’s eyes. Mothers can be shields
for their sons – even if the fathers are Pharoah.
Back to our courtship: Musa (as) takes Safurah’s ‘lead’ by making her
throw stones to direct the route. Brothers, there’s a lesson for you
here: it’s ok to ask for directions and consulting with a woman. Such a
man’s bravado would be insulted today; he would be considered crazy or
sexist for asking a woman to walk in his shadow and then make her do all
the work! Armed with our liberal arts education, we often undervalue a
man’s masculinity. Such hoopla is made over where the husband walks, in
front, side by side, behind you. My husband is a foot and some taller
than me, so big deal if he sometimes walks faster than me, he’s got
longer legs. Other times he walks behind me especially in crowds and he
is often there by my side. It doesn’t define us. Shouldn’t it matter
more whether he is ahead, behind or by my side spiritually?
Safurah then hired Musa (as) and chooses to marry him under her
father’s guidance. There was no long engagement and no endless
conversations – no promises of unending love. How many times do we pass
up great partners because we haven’t clicked? What did she like about
him in those short meetings? First of all, she sees he is not a wimp, he
stood up for her when they were strangers, imagine what he would do for
her when she becomes his wife.
He complements her life; she needs a man in her household, to help
her run her business (we see the same theme in the blessed union of
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ and our mother, Khadijah (ra). This story reinforces
in me the reason why my husband is always going to be the leader of my
family. He leads well so that I may willingly follow.
Musa (as) agrees to the terms Safurah’s family sets for their
marriage. She admires his trust in Allah, his ability to problem solve,
his strength and his manners. If women looked for his four
characteristics in a man, instead of the countless other things we focus
on, will we not find our own beautiful Musa?
Further, if we are consumed by the love we have for our spouse, will
there be space in our hearts for Allah? Heathcliff and Catherine of
Wuthering Heights had replaced God for each other. They needed to fuse
their identities and thought they had attained heaven. Bronte’s
mysticism notwithstanding, love like theirs is asocial, amoral and
irresponsible. After reading Musa and Safurah’s love story though, I
learned to love my husband for the right reasons: for his support, his
strengths, and his sense of responsibility for the sake of Allah. After
ten years, he still makes my heart flutter; but he doesn’t need to
complete me. It’s enough that he complements me. And it is this evolving
courtship that will inshaAllah knock the tunes out of every Indian
movie.
References:
Abdulla Al-Wohabi, The Northern Hijaz In The Writings of The Arab Geographers 800-1150 B.C., p. 142
Emily Bronte, Imelani. Religion, Metaphysics and Mysticism.