Realisation

A beautiful person wrote this poem Alhamdulillah, and I thought it best to share:

"After months and after years

I have once again felt remorse,

Once again tasted tears

Of regret, anguish and depression

What have I been upto all this time?

What delusion have been influenced by?

Why didn’t I get out of this mess earlier?

Why didn’t the signs of loss draw near and clearer?

Have I been as bad as I am thinking,

Or even worse?

I hope I do not deserve myself a wrath or a curse

My last has always been You Allah

Now I want You to be my first

I want to take a fresh start

Kill every lower desire, every thirst

Take me away from myself

And return me when ever You like

Because I do not see a ray of happiness

in this stage of bright lights

I should have been destroyed by now but

You want me to love

Then I beg of You to make me find good

And turn me so I don’t crib

My heart is wounded with a thousand scars

But it hasn’t stopped beating

I repent every now and then

But I haven’t stopped cheating

You know Your ways and I know none

I am sitting here helpless

It’s You who will make me turn

Make me hate myself for once and for all

So that I don’t feel conceited every morning and by the night fall into a pitfall

Every day and every night cannot any longer be mundane

Pull me out, please, before I get used to this pain"